It is so quiet in my house right now.

My senior photo session was rained out this afternoon. But the reality is that my gracious Abba cleared my afternoon–I can almost hear a gentle voice saying, “You need to rest. So I will give you a cozy afternoon and some unexpected time, and you need to use it to rest.”

Mostly, I did.

I had a nap.  A long, hard nap, the kind that makes you realize that you’ve been pushing too hard.

Then my sweet kids and my sweet husband headed out to our Sunday night youth program. And I had quiet.

I am praying through Ephesians, so I broke in a new journal. Bliss. I sang and worshiped with a new favorite song.  I had time–real time–with Jesus.

Oh, how I needed this.

Joel preached this morning from Ephesians 4, and one of the points that spoke clearly was my deep need to have my loves reordered by”learning Christ.” It is such an interesting construction. It is a word that means to learn from experience, and has a connotation of “coming to realize.” Joel used the illustration of our marriage–over the past twelve years, we have learned each other more and more. I know my Joel in ways I could not have known before; there are facets of learning from experience–things he likes, things he doesn’t like, things that matter more to him than I might guess–and there are realizations that come in key moments. As I learn him, our intimacy deepens.

Jesus wants me to learn him.

I think back over the hours and days and years I have spent studying Jesus. And then the sweet times of worship, where I have learned him in other ways. The retreats with sisters who have helped me learn him, and the books I have read that revealed new parts of his character. Being married and having children has opened different ways of learning Christ, seeing him, realizing him.

But too often, I am too distracted to learn.

And that’s where the reordering of my loves comes in.

Often, my distractions come in the form of very, very good things. Gifts the Lord has given. People I love. Podcasts to listen to, clients to engage, art to make, songs to sing, beauty to enjoy, books to read, websites to design, walks to take, exercise to attempt, photos to edit, non-profits to start, people to encourage, small business owners to coach, worship to plan, books to write, articles to read.

So many good things.

And my Mary heart is often overcome by my Martha life. And I stop gaining real traction in anything.

I was praying with a friend the other day, and I suddenly had one of those flashes of clarity: distraction is dis-traction. It is the negating of traction in my life. It causes me to slip, to get off track.

So I have renounced two things: Multi-tasking is one. Can’t do it. Not a real thing. Read Kevin DeYoung’s Crazy Busy and think about the fact that you and I are incapable of multitasking. Sure, we can time-slice our little hearts out, but none of us can actually focus on more than one thing at a time. So I will work. And then I will put my work down and be with my husband, or talk to my kids, or listen to my podcast and focus.

And second, I am renouncing busyness. I have a lot of hats, but the Lord is the one sovereignty controlling them, and  if I am too busy, I am not listening. I may have a full schedule, but each day does not need to feel busy.  Building margin back into my life is critical if I am going to live a life of traction.

I’m not renouncing productivity. The Lord has given me a calling–a Why–and has given me several corresponding ways to live out that why. But I can’t do what he is calling me to do if I live in a distracted manner.

Now, I’m going to tell you right now: I will struggle with this. The Holy Spirit is the only one who can gather the threads together, braid them together, and make something strong and whole.

But He can, and He is faithful. So, I will trust him to help me to rest in him, finding my identity in the completed work of Christ and not in all of these good works he prepared for me to do.

Jesus, I would life a life free from dis-traction, instead walking with step with your Holy Spirit and seeing the purpose and usefulness that comes from walking in your ways. Give me eyes to see, ears to hear. Make me a good steward of these people and opportunities that you have placed in my care. Let your weighty grace be evident in my life.